I apple-ogize for all the puns!

Dear Minnesota Daily,

Last Tuesday I was dutifully attending my morning course, like any good student loyal to the University should, when I overheard something that truly caught my attention. A boy across the room enlightened the group on an article he had read in The Daily regarding the University genetically designing and patenting an apple called the SweeTango. I was immediately intrigued and rushed home to read the article myself only to learn that apparently I was not the only one whose attention had been caught by this Frankenstein fruit. As the article reports, 15 local apple growers had also zeroed in on the situation. The growers were enraged that University and their partner Pepin Heights Orchard owned the rights to the SweeTango exclusively and these growers planned to sue. Fortunately for my University, but unfortunately for my humanity, the judge dismissed almost all the claims leaving the creators of the SweeTango in the clear.

Although I always try to remain loyal to my school, hey, I even attend my morning courses, I cannot help but roll my eyes at the idea of genetically designing and then patenting a living thing. Excuse the pun, but this is not a very fruitful use of our time if you ask me. Perhaps in this instance it is only apples, but the core problem I see with the SweeTango is that it sets a precedent for all living things. This is where concepts like designer babies stem from. If we can make are food just the way we want it, why can’t we do the same to our little Timmy or Sally? It might sound unreal, but ability to choose the desired hair color, skin tone, and even left index finger length is not far off. Even today humans are practicing forms of genetic screening before bringing life into the world. We have the tools to weed out a host of genetic diseases in our children, and this technology is only in its infancy. It’s not long until today’s Frankenstein fruit becomes tomorrow Frankenstein fetus.

And when it gets even worse is when not only design the forms of life we bring into the world, but also patent them! Can you imagine?! If this precedent leaks from apples to children there will come a time when your child better not come out a brown-haired-blue-eyed-Lucy because that little girl type has already been copyrighted! It won’t matter if that child is say, the apple of your eye, because it was somebody else’s first.

What is the solution to this problem? Humans must stop playing God, and come to terms with the fact that not everything can by controlled and copyrighted. Especially when those things have a pulse. Unless we someday want to design and patent our children like commodities then we better stop soon when doing with other living things. I realize SweeTangos might not seem like such a pressing issue, but instances like this genuinely do have implications on other areas of science and the examples they set can be very influential. So in summation, although it pains me to go against my school and their precious SweeTango, I’m going to have to side with the local growers on this one. If it’s any concession to the University though, I still plan on making my morning courses!

-Granny Smith